Funny Quotes

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– Unknown –

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
– George Burns –

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
– Mark Twain –

How can you analyse what is funny? What’s funny to one isn’t funny to another… What’s funny to you is a personal thing.
– Les Dawson –

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
– Laurence J. Peter –

Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don’t have a sense of humor it just isn’t funny anymore.
– Wavy Gravy –

I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It’s just funny.
– Taylor Swift –

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.
– Katy Perry –

By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
– Richard Dawkins –

I’d rather proliferate funny little rumors than not.
– Autre Ne Veut –

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn’t offend somebody it’s probably not a joke. It’s probably an observation that’s not funny. It’s gotta offend somebody somewhere.
– Jeff Ross –

I have a crush on Steve Tyler. He’s funny, he rocks, and has a voice like a god. There is another one who I have discovered can sing. I should try and make an album with him… it’s Barack Obama!
– Lulu –

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
– Isaac Asimov –

“The meaning of life is to find your gift the purpose of life is to give it away” – Pablo Picasso –

Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains. ― Steve Jobs ―

Hope is the power that gives a person the confidence to step out and try. – Zig Ziglar –

You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want. – Zig Ziglar –

Part of the reason that the government’s fear mongering is succeeding is because so many people are so ignorant, that it is easier for government to frighten people in submission.
– James Bovard –

The prompt assimilation of that intelligence will be essential if we are to avoid another September 11th.
– Adam Schiff –

I come from a coffee-loving family, and you can always tell when my sister and I have been around, because both of us collect all the dead coffee from everyone’s morning cup, pour it over ice, and drink it. This is a disgusting habit.
– Laurie Colwin –

In your hands or that of any other person, so much power would, no doubt, be dangerous. I am the only man in the world whom it would be safe to trust with it. Remember, I am a prophet!
– Joseph Smith, Jr. –

Most Americans live on a diet that includes processed fare that is neither fresh nor natural.
– Homaro Cantu –

Now I think that going to the gym is the best drug. I go four times a week and it gives me the buzz I need.
– Amy Winehouse –

Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.
– Arnold Schwarzenegger –